VALENTINE’S Day often brings to mind romantic dinners, flowers (usually roses), boxes of chocolates, presents and sweet tender moments that would raise anybody’s sugar levels to alarming degrees.
However, while most see Valentine’s Day as a special day of the year to take the time to check in with and fete each other, not every couple is lucky enough to celebrate while some don’t view Valentine’s Day as different from any other day.
In fact, due to Covid-19, some couples may not even be able to celebrate like previous Valentine’s Days, especially with the Movement Control Order (MCO) or Conditional Movement Control Order (CMCO) hampering plans of having a nice dinner at a restaurant.
The Borneo Post spoke with two couples about Valentine’s Day — what really matters in a relationship and whether or not Valentine’s Day is a necessary celebration for couples.
Aprilia (left) and Joost.
For Aprilia, 34, and wildlife veterinarian Joost Phillipa, 48, this year’s Valentine’s Day will be no different from previous years as the couple does not celebrate Valentine’s Day specifically.
“We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day – we don’t need a special day just to show we love each other,” Joost said.
“I think Valentine’s Day is relevant to some people — for example if you own a flower shop or sell presents because the price of these things will go up around Valentine’s Day. But for everyone else, I don’t think it’s that relevant.”
Aprilia said while she likes Valentine’s Day and would love to celebrate it, it’s okay for her as “Joost is a sweet guy.”
“Sometimes he comes home with flowers or any other plants he likes — anytime he wants. Once he brought me some plastic roses. But we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day and just go through it like any normal day.”
Monthly date nights
In place of the proper celebration, the couple has monthly ‘date nights’ on the 22nd of every month.
“I think going on the date night every month — or at least every month — is more special to us than Feb 14, which is once a year,” Joost said with Aprilia chiming in on how lucky she was to get a “Valentine’s Day” every month.
Aprilia said their monthly date night was an opportunity to celebrate the love they have for each other. However, she acknowledged it may be difficult for others to find the time to celebrate their relationship as they might be busy working all the time.
“I think Valentine’s Day is important for some people because they’re always busy working and sometimes just forget to celebrate. So for these people, Valentine’s Day is important as they can have a day to forget about everything, take a break, dress up, look good and remind each other they love each other on one special day a year.
“Especially nowadays with technology, people are always glued to their computer screens or looking at their handphones so much so that they can even forget about the person beside them,” she noted.
Joost said they tried to keep their monthly date nights as fresh as possible, adding that they would continue to keep to their monthly date nights.
Not a luxury
For Master’s in Biology student Brenda Kucha Ganeng, 23, and wildlife researcher Chrishen Robert Gomez, 26, celebrating Valentine’s Day together is not a luxury they have due to their long-distance relationship.
But they do put in some efforts to celebrate Feb14 is a special day.
“We already talk every day but on Valentine’s Day, we try to call each other and talk a bit longer. It’s a bit extra from what we normally do, so it’s not a repetition of a normal day although Valentine’s Day for us isn’t any more significant than other days.
Chrishen (left) and Brenda.
“I think Brenda would agree with me. As we’re in a long-distance relationship, there have a lot of days like Valentine’s Day to keep the fire going and the relationship exciting. For a long-distance relationship, just celebrating Valentine’s Day won’t be enough because the intimacy and specialness when you go out for dinner is not there,” Chrishen said.
Brenda agreed, saying they would sometimes have a meal over Facetime on Valentine’s Day or Chrishen would send something nice in the mail to the US where she currently resides.
“I think it’s just a little bit more than what we do but it’s not very different from other days. The things he would do on Valentine’s Day are more or less the same as any regular day. The celebration is important but perhaps less so compared to a lot of other days in the year.”
Share of barriers
While both have not been affected by MCO or CMCO, their long-distance relationship has its fair share of barriers.
“I think while our long-distance relationship has always been just that — a long-distance relationship — it has developed into a much harder one because I study in the US and Chrishen is in Malaysia. Usually, it’s easy for us to visit each other so long as we have the time or the money – and those two things we can overcome.
“But the thing now is that you’re not allowed to see each other due to MCO and CMCO. It’s hard because every time I come back from the US, I almost always expect Chrishen to be at the Kuching Airport waiting for me, but the last time I came back, he wasn’t there.
“So that was very hard. Even now, if I want to come back and see him, I can’t because travel is banned in the States. Now, it’s a much more challenging long-distance relationship because there are physical barriers we cannot cross,” Brenda lamented.
Chrishen agreed there was no quick fix to having to say goodbye after each reunion although it was conforming for them both to know they had options even though they are apart.
“If we really needed to see each other, we would just spend the money. But of course, that’s not possible at the moment due to the pandemic. I guess in that sense, not having the option makes the long-distance relationship a bit tougher.”
Silver lining
However, they have managed to find a silver lining in their long-distance relationship despite the challenges.
“It has been challenging, yet very rewarding because I feel I can really focus on my studies. I think I’m discovering myself a lot more than I would have if Chrishen were always with me and it’s nice because the long-distance relationship has challenged me to find who I am while having the benefit of having a companion in life and someone to talk to who understands who I am and can help me process everything I’m going through,” Brenda said.
She also revealed both of them had found more creative ways to communicate, noting that communication is key in a long-distance relationship.
“Sometimes it’s hard putting everything in words since you really want to be with that person physically but can’t due to the long distance. So it has helped challenge me to be more creative in expressing my feelings through gestures such as gifts or letters.”
Chrishen (inset) and Brenda during one of their video calls.
Chrishen concurred, pointing out that while there could be a lot to complain or be bitter about over a long-distance relationship, it would serve no purpose.
“It’s counter-productive. So, we like to be positive and look at it as having the best of both worlds. We don’t have to worry about looking for a companion because I already have the best companion in Brenda and hopefully, she has the best companion in me too. That’s enough.
“Also, we have the freedom to take crazy paths in our lives and not worry about attachment or dragging anyone anywhere. Take, for instance, I’ve uprooted and moved into a forest, I couldn’t possibly have expected her to move there with me.
“It would have been a much harder decision to make if I knew I was leaving you and putting us in a long-distance relationship but in our case, it was easier to decide because I knew it wouldn’t change the nature of our relationship anyway. So, I got to experience the freedom of being an individual not worrying about
not having a companion because I have you,” he said.
Open and honest
In short, both Brenda and Chrishen agree in a long-distance relationship, it’s important to remember why a couple is in the relationship and always remain open and honest with each other.
“I think you always have to remind yourself why you’re in the relationship in the first place — why you fell in love, why you maintained this relationship when it was going to be long-distance.
“You also have to be honest and open about how you feel even if it’s not something you’d like your partner to hear. When you’re open and honest, your partner will understand because your partner has probably gone through something similar,” Brenda mused.
For Chrishen, keeping a physical reminder of each other helps.
“For example, putting each other’s photo on the table or in your phone – that helps to remind me I’m loved, committed and have someone who loves me and who I love,” Chrishen opined.
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day in the “new normal” may or not be vastly different from previous years. Some people may just go through it like any other day or find themselves celebrating more low-key than they would like to.
But Valentine’s Day is not just about romantic dinners, flowers or boxes of chocolates. It’s one day in a year where you can make more cherished memories and renew your love for each other. It’s a day for you and your significant other half but based on these two couples’ accounts, who says Valentine’s Day is the only day for that?
Make every day count and remind each other why the relationship matters, no matter how near or far you are.
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