A million reasons as to why some elderly individuals end up living alone
Yeo shows the trophies won by his wife, who was active in joining many singing competitions when she was still around.
CLAD in a white singlet and striped-grey shorts, the old man shuffled about the house, using a walker as support.
Upon reaching a cabinet that held many framed photos and tokens of achievements, he clasped his bony fingers around a trophy, took it close to his heart, and gazed at it for a while.
The action raised a faint smile on his face.
“My wife was a great singer. She had this angelic voice and I loved to hear her sing. “These trophies are proof of her talent.
“Whenever I feel like I want to watch or hear her sing, I would play the VCD,” he said, referring to the video disc that recorded a karaoke competition in 2000 that his wife took part.
The VCD of a karaoke competition that Yeo’s wife took part in 2000, which he still keeps to this day.
His wife passed away last year at the aged of 74.
The way they were
Yeo Peng Boo, 75, lives alone in a house at Taman Chung Hua along Jalan Chawan in Kuching.
This father of one son and three daughters used to work as a construction contractor, and life was fairly decent for his family back then.
“We had a happy life together. We never had big fights. We could get along well because we gave each other personal space, and we trusted and respected each other.
“Of course, there were times when we had our disagreements, but we would always navigate the situation in a way that allowed our relationship to grow even stronger.
“She was my life, my best friend. After her passing, I felt like I lost a big part of myself,” said Yeo, whose son had also passed away years ago due to an illness.
“He was an engineer.
“I miss him very much – he was a very good son.”
Yeo’s daughters, however, are still around and all of them are living in Peninsular Malaysia.
“They’re not bad children; sometimes, they do come all the way down here to see me.
“It is my own choice not to stay with any of them because I want them to have their own lives with their families, and I also do not want to burden them.
“We’re always in contact with one another.”
Yeo also said he felt most comfortable to be on his own, and to be surrounded by the memories of the happy days back when he, his wife and they children were together.
“For me, I have to carry on with whatever ability I am left with,” he said.
“There have been moments when I do feel that my life is just meaningless, but I just let the divine forces decide when I can join my wife.”
Yeo never dismissed the difficulties of living alone, but whenever that pang of sorrow struck his heart, he would reach his walker and go to the wall where a photo of his wife hung.
Yeo uses a walker to move about.
“I always look at my wife’s photo and talk to her whenever I am feeling sad and lonely.
“I know she’s listening – I can feel her presence.
“You know what? Some of her belongings have remained at the same spot since the day she left. I never moved them.”
Taking it one day at a time
By now, Yeo is a creature of habit – although one who is not quite the same as the Average Joe next door.
He wakes up at around 1am, then do some house chores as a way for him to get some exercises.
After that, he rests for a while before performing a prayer.
As the first ray of the sun shines through, he goes outside to sweep the compound.
“I somewhat enjoy sweeping the dry leaves away and looking at the scenery, which was something I had missed out on during my busy working days back then.
Yeo enjoys sweeping the dry leaves away and looking at the scenery – something that he had missed out on during his busy working days back then.
“I enjoy watching the bees and the butterflies fly about, listening to the songs of the happy birds.
“Once in a while, I would look up at the sky and think about my life – or just life, in general.”
Throughout the rest of the day, Yeo would be inside his house resting.
At night, he watches television until around 10pm, and then off to bed.
When it comes to meal-time, Yeo feels like he’s reaping the crops of which the seeds were sown during his younger, more productive years.
“I used to help people back in the days when I was physically fit and financially able.
“Now, it feels like I’m getting back the kindness that I had given away – there are always friends and other kind people bringing me food.
“I just feel blessed.”
However, there were times when Yeo would just succumb to nostalgia, and one recurring memory was the final days of his wife.
“I have many sweet memories with my wife – too many to tell you all of them.
“But I also remember when she was in the hospital. I had asked her: ‘My love, do you remember the house that we built together? Would you want to come back to that house to breathe your last, or would you want to remain at the hospital?’
“She wanted to spend her final moments at home.
“So yes, I fulfilled that wish – I was beside her every day until she let go of her last breath,” Yeo recalled.
‘Living, getting old alone’
Some 8km from Yeo’s house, there is another elderly person who lives alone.
Insimau Inyok, 64, has a hearing problem. One needs to speak very loudly and repeat the same words several times when conversing with her.
Her house in Kampung Kudei is very small, built in 2017 under the Housing Project for the Hardcore Poor (PPRT) under the federal Ministry of Rural and Regional Development.
Even during the day, the interior of her house is still quite dark and without proper ventilation, it is very stuffy.
There are only several pieces of furniture.
Insimau has no television but even if she had one, it would be pointless because her house has no electricity supply. She uses a tiny battery-operated lamp at night.
Notwithstanding the circumstances, Insimau’s house had once been broken into.
“I went out for a walk and when I returned, I found some food items missing and my door was damaged,” she lamented.
She said in her younger days, she was an active and outgoing person – always taking part in women’s group activities and having so many friends back then.
Insimau holding a portrait of her younger self.
Her husband, who worked as a security guard, was very caring and supportive.
“I had wonderful years with my husband.”
Now, Insimau is all by herself – she could feel that some people might see her as ‘a weird woman’.
“There were nights when I cried myself to sleep because I never imagined I would end up living and getting old alone.
“My husband died many years ago. I do not have a proper photo of him, so he now exists only in my memory.”
Insimau has an adopted son, but both have lost contact with each other. She last heard about him being in Sibu and working in the Armed Forces.
Unlike her late husband, she does have a photo of her adopted son – sometimes, she would talk to the photo as if he was there with her.
Insimau has a few photos reminding her of her past, including those of her adopted son, which she places on her living-room wall.
“I miss the time when he was little, when I used to cuddle him and smother him with kisses,” she reminisced.
In the past, she had worked as a cleaner under to a company, which undertook cleaning job contracts at a hospital, shopping malls and other commercial centres, as well as road-sweeping and drain-clearing jobs.
“Yes, I used to have a stable income but now, I cannot work anymore because no one wants to hire me – I am getting old and I have many health problems.
“Now, I’m left to depend on donations and charities.
“I do feel that my life is meaningless now and I actually don’t mind to die. I have nothing to lose anymore.”
Insimau now fills her days tending to a small garden.
Insimau has a small garden at her house, which she tends to every day.
Feeling of abandonment
Yeo and Insimau are among the 23 senior citizens who are under non-governmental organisation (NGO) Hope Place’s list of welfare aid recipients.
Hope Place founder Kevin Wan believes that there are many more out there whom his team has yet to reach out to.
According to him, there are various reasons as to why some people end up living alone.
“One that I have discovered is that the old folk are living in the rural areas or remote villages – their children may have relocated to towns or cities because of jobs and other prospects; thus, rendering them unable to return home to see their parents often.
“For this, the sub-reasons may be distance, inability to take days off, challenges in their daily lives, and not having any extra money for travelling and other expenses,” he said.
Wan also heard about a few tragic cases where the children were mistreated and abused by their parents or caretakers when they were small.
“So, having become grown-ups, these children later abandoned their parents.”
Wan (right) and his assistant deliver food aid to Insimau.
Ageing and living alone are now common in this modern-day society, and they affect both the rich and the poor folk.
It is not strange to hear about rich people having no time to look after their ageing parents, because they are too busy managing their wealth and thus, the solution would be for the old folks to be sent to nursing homes, well-equipped with the best treatments and facilities that money can buy.
For those in the middle and low-income brackets, however, such homes are just beyond their reach.
As sad as it is, growing old and finding oneself alone and lonely are a part of a human’s life, and there is no guarantee that such a situation would not happen to any of us.
Nonetheless, it is rather pointless to condemn those who abandon their ageing parents, or it is even more meaningless to use laws to compel people to take care of their old folks.
No two situations are the same, as can be seen in the cases of Yeo and Insimau.
Moreover, not all elderly individuals who are living alone are products of dysfunctional families or abandonment.
The most viable arrangement would be for the powers that be to establish a system that would accommodate the ageing segment of society to live the rest of their days comfortably, happily and with dignity – they deserve it.
Moreover, such system must be made available to people from all walks of life.
Let us hope that those who hold the power to change things in the human community system would take this matter into serious consideration and come up with plans and solutions to address it.